Miroslav Volf sums up some wonderful thinking in a chapter of Exclusion and Embrace like this:
Though the goal of self-giving
is the mutuality of perfect love
the road toward this goal
in a world of enmity
often leads through the narrow paths
of one-side giving of the self for the other
The model for the goal
is the eternal embrace of the divine persons;
the model for the difficult road toward the goal
is Christ’s embrace of humanity on the cross.
We want to live in community as God’s people (and have a marriage, maintain a friendship). We want to make peace (between people and God, between factions in the Congo). It helps me today to remember my goal and the road toward it, the Source of my goal and the Lord’s expression of God’s heart.