Why is being part of Circle of Hope so demanding?

We’re afraid to be too demanding because people just might shop down the street or decide Jesus is not their brand altogether! For instance, some PM Team leaders were talking about how to ask people to develop their worship discipline. One of them worried out loud that someone might think it was too demanding if we did not just lay out different music and exercises at our meeting without too much direction and let people browse without breathing down their necks like anxious salespeople. I said, “Most of the time, when I lead people to do something, I add a caveat at the end — ‘Or do what you want.'” When it comes to worship, I’m saying, “Worshiping God is worship – not much I can do about that. But if you want to be here and not do it, that’s OK. Don’t do it.” That’s one way to deal with the demanding nature of what we do — let everyone be where they are, including God. I want to embrace people where they are, first, and let them catch up to what God has for them in their own time.

But there is no hiding it. We at least seem demanding. For one thing, we are ambitious. Just hearing me admit that we are ambitious let’s you know that we prize speaking directly, which is demanding. What’s more, we make plans, and we want to complete our goals; we truly think we are listening to Jesus, and we don’t mind telling you what we are hearing. We take people seriously enough to include them in making our plans and in our conversations with Jesus. Even more, we like the term “radical.” But even apart from our traits as a people, it is only honest to say we are demanding because we are relating to God, which, by nature, is quite demanding.

At the same time we are inevitably demanding, we don’t really want to be. People get upset with us! Someone actually asked the question I am answering with some exasperation: “Why is being part of Circle of Hope so demanding?!” We struggle with their exasperation. When I wrote a blog post about cohabitation a few weeks ago, people wrote to me and said, “Wow, thanks, that was bold. You waded right in.” They were scared for me. I was talking about things people have feelings about. I created a demanding situation. If you talk about something intimate people sometimes forget you are not their mother and react accordingly. Some people think it would be wiser to let a sleeping dog lie most of the time. Why kick someone’s fear and resistance? Why ask someone to have an identity centered on Jesus and never let anything get in the way of that? It’s very demanding.

At the risk of being seen as a dog kicker, I want to go ahead and kick a couple. There are two big reasons we seem demanding. One is because we see people a certain way and one is because the world is developing a certain way.

1) We are demanding because we assume you have the stuff to do what you decide to do – and that includes deciding about Jesus. That’s how we see you.

It is kind of demanding to treat people like they don’t have to be a Christian and I don’t have to coerce them. It requires a lot of maturity of people to think they can stand on their own two feet and do what they need to do.

Facing this assumption is hard on quite a few people because they inherited Christianity from mom and dad. They didn’t have too many choosing experiences about it. They are used to feeling coerced, and they like to think the church is doing that so they can rebel against it. I don’t think it is the same for everyone, but, to be honest, I find us relatively undemanding, since I want to be a Christian. The church could not possibly be as demanding as Jesus. He tells me to lose my false self so I can gain my true one!

When Jesus was talking to people who were already settled into their religion, he raised the bar very high. He told them they had to deal with their own personal sin, not rely on their standing in their family or community. They had to look at Abraham’s faith and hope, not just their honored place as his descendants. They had to listen to the Son of God, not to the lies the powers were telling them. This kind of talk made them very defensive (John 8:31-47).

Sometimes when we speak into American life and American Christianity, any straight talk can seem very affrontive. American Christianity has kind of been dumbed down, in general, so it can be sold to a mass audience. Sometimes it seems like a self help book, or religion for dummies. It is all about what people feel and do personally, and it is designed to be convenient, like an IKEA. Plus you can be a Christian easy enough because it only happens once a week at church. It can be like a sitcom — happy theme songs, plot lines that are not too deep; everything is expected to work out quickly. These are such gross generalizations I wish I hadn’t said them. But they are kind of true.

Jesus took away the lines on the aisles leading to the checkout counter and made faith in God a whole-life thing. He acted like we had the stuff to relate to God — just like he was living and giving his whole life. We think that is how it should be. In comparison to being in control or thinking one can accomplish the job of being good quickly and efficiently, what we talk about is demanding. We have to relate. Love is expected. Reconciliation is important. Doing the most and the best is normal.

I wonder what you think. When Jesus comes at you and seems affrontive, does it make you resistant and mad? Or when Jesus comes at you and seems affrontive, do you think he loves you and has a life for you? How much do you reduce him to merely “demanding?”  I think the only thing he is really demanding is that we live as our true selves in an environment that is becoming new and making all things new.

2) Another reason we can seem so demanding is that the postmodern era is more and more inhospitable to Christianity. That’s how the world is developing.

Unless we conform to the prevailing philosophy, or at least accept being deconstructed, it is hard to be a Christian. Even saying the name of Jesus can seem like heavy lifting.

When my hero, Teresa of Avila, awakened to the gospel as a twentysomething in the 1500s, she thought the convent she was living in was lax and compromised. But, the fact is, almost everyone she knew was a Christian. There was no debate about whether one should believe in God! So her ground floor was Christian and she was complaining about a convent, where women went to pray and devote themselves to God. I think most people we know think convents were last heard of in the Sound of Music! And even then, the convent  Julie Andrews was in was one she was escaping because she wanted freedom and sex, and to fight Nazis with Christopher Plummer on the way to a stage career in the United States. If a Maria Von Trapp character appeared in a movie these days, it would be to mock her as way too wholesome and moral. It is a new day.

There is a famous account of Jesus speaking with an upper class person like Teresa of Avila and like Julie Andrews who came to him to ask a question. It was, basically, “How demanding is it to follow you?” I think how Jesus related to him might be considered very demanding by some people because he so uncompromising and unaffirming. The man had a lot of money and didn’t want to give it away to follow Jesus. He had a lot to lose. The picture I found (at left) seems to picture the moment well. I think the artist captured the sharp contrast between Jesus and the man very well. Jesus looks like he totally does not fit in the picture. The man to whom He was speaking did not think Jesus fit into his picture, either. He thought he was good already and his prosperity helped convince him that he did not need more saving — and even if he was not that good, he was at least good at getting stuff. Why would a Savior demand his stuff?

In Circle of Hope Daily Prayer not long ago, the “voice” was talking about some other things people believe these days that make it hard to be a Christian. For one thing, they believe humankind is good and getting better all the time, just like the man Jesus was talking to only more so. N.T. Wright finds it remarkable that in spite of the evidence, people still believe in the myth of progress. In the 1800s, he says, philosophers thought they had gotten rid of the idea of original sin when they propagated the idea that humankind could keep making things better, forever. Marx and Freud offered replacement doctrines about why things get so bad and offered new solutions to match: new doctrines of redemption which mirror and parody the Christian one, just minus that demanding Jesus. Wright says that somehow, despite the horrific battles of Mons and the Somme during World War I, and despite Auschwitz and Buchenwald in World War II, people still continue to this day to suppose that the world is basically a good place and that its problems are more or less solvable by technology, education, and “development” — that is development in the sense of “Westernization” and the application of Western “democracy” to more and more regions of the world – surrendering to Western social-democratic ideals or Western capitalism, or a mixture of both. The powers that be ignore their sin — everything they do is progress. When their sin hits them, or when someone sins against them, they are surprised. When they are surprised they do weird things, like start a war in Afghanistan. It is surprsingly hard to leave that thinking behind and follow Jesus.

The man who came to Jesus thought he had it down. But Jesus told him he needed to follow Him personally, not try to fit him into his Beemer. You can get a lot of Jesuses into Beemers, but not the one who had the actual conversation I’ve noted, at least if you are trying to drive Him into Beemerdom. It seems very demanding, even insulting and demeaning, to dismiss the Beemer as trivial. Who does Jesus think he is, and how can he be so undemocratic?

I wonder what you think. When Jesus looks at you in pity, does it make you ashamed and mad? Or when Jesus looks at you in pity, do you think he loves you and has a life for you? How much do you reduce him to merely “demanding?”  I think the only thing he is really demanding is that we live as our true selves in an environment that is becoming new and making all things new.

Why is Circle of Hope so demanding? Like I said, I’m not sure we are, truthfully. But I think we seem demanding in relation to how people were raised in the church and in relation to the society in which we live. I think we need to be sensitive about that, lest we just choke people with our insensitive enthusiasm. But Jesus is a lot more demanding than us —  if you want to see him that way.

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About Rod White

Pastor for Circle of Hope. Graduate of Fuller Seminary, PhD in MFT from Eastern University.
This entry was posted in 2 Life as the Church and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Why is being part of Circle of Hope so demanding?

  1. Pingback: October 15, 2012 – Teresa of Avila | Daily Prayer

  2. Pingback: Relationship pain for the Jesus-follower — new birth through conflict | Rod's Blog

  3. Pingback: October 15, 2012 – Theresa of Avila « Circle of Hope Daily Prayer 2012

  4. Marquita says:

    I believe that true faith challenges us to grow and encourages us to move beyond complacency. If someone isn’t ready to do that, then yeah: a challenge to have a renewed mind with purposeful action would seem demanding. It takes less energy and personal accountability to project an accusation of being demanding at an external entity (church/job/relationship), than it does to take an honest look inwardly through the lens of Jesus and God’s word.

  5. Michiko Diby says:

    I think this is a great post. I have a few comments. First, I don’t find circle that demanding. I guess I think about when I was a PTA president – THAT was demanding. I think we can all find areas of our lives where we give a lot of attention that aren’t circle but we don’t think of those areas as demanding. Why? I’m not sure, but I always compare any time commitment to being the PTA president. Second, my parents died young and so I tend to look at things from the perspective of death, and maybe also cause I’ve crossed 40. But I think the only thing that matters, or that when you look back you feel really great about (no regret) is/are the times when you’ve won over pride, hate, greed, anger, jealously, contempt, violence (sin) and the love you’ve shared with others. I try to remember that the growth of the spirit is what matters most to me, and I follow Jesus because that’s what I hear him saying to me. The “demand” for me to live spiritually seems right to me for that reason.

  6. Jonny Rashid says:

    Thanks, Rod. The one-two punch of Christianity being dumbed down and our current era being inhospitable toward Christians is a dilemma we’re facing; it is all too true. I agree that we are not so demanding, though. But I am glad you addressed a common thought.

    I think we’re inclusive, welcoming, and easy to get into. Sometimes our well-connected people might think we’re demanding and therefore assume everyone else does. Not surprisingly, that pre-judgment, the assumption itself, is quite demanding.

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